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20 January 2011 @ 01:56 am
:(  
I need parenting advice. :( I don't wanna post on the parenting comms tho, cos I am scared of most of the people there.. really I just read them for the entertaining dramz. :P

Pandora has been terrible lately. I'm not sure if it's because she's been through a lot of changes lately with moving house & such, or if it's just a three and a half year old phase. She's been so frustratingly naughty, it's driving me nuts. Some of the things she's been doing lately:

- she opened and poured a packet of jelly crystals across the kitchen (that was a bitch to clean up ><)
- she finally figured out how to open the fridge and destroyed my raspberries and strawberries as well as a whole packet of sliced cheese (she ripped the cheese slices to shreds, combined the shreds with the berries in tupperware containers - which she got out of the cupboard, and is not allowed to touch - and then poured water on them)
- she took stuff out of the bathroom - including my housemate's hair wax stuff - and smeared it everywhere
- she drew all over the coffee table and rocking chair with whiteboard marker (easy enough to clean off but, gah!)
- she constantly yells at me/argues with me, about eeeverything, even the smallest things
- whenever I take her out anywhere, she whines, complains, runs away, refuses to hold my hand, begs to go on those blasted coin ride things, begs for things from vending machines, and throws tantrums
- I avoid taking her to fun places like the park etc because she always, always throws a gigantic screaming tantrum when it's time to go home
- whenever she does something naughty and I get angry, she always says "I'm sorry Mama, I won't do it again" but this means absolutely nothing. Ditto with going to the toilet, every time I change her pullup (or undies if I'm feeling up to it that day) she says she will go to the toilet next time, she never does

Some of this is partly my fault, as she gets up earlier than me in the morning and doesn't wake me up (as she did in Canberra). She turns on cartoons herself and eats snacks from her snack cupboard, and wreaks havoc on the house.

Bribing with rewards does not seem to work. If I tell her I will give her something or other if she is good then she will tell me she doesn't want said reward. Threatening with punishment seems to work better. I am crap at carrying out said threats though. Today however (after the jelly crystals incident) I stepped it up a bit and told her that every time she did something naughty I would chuck away one of her toys. She has a metric fuckton of toys and I need to get rid of a bunch of them anyway. She had ruined a colouring book with water and jelly crystals so I started with that. She didn't like that at all and promised she would be good. Later on when she started repeatedly taking the childproof lock off the cupboard (argh why do I even have it ><) after I told her not to I chucked away some crappy Cars pencil holder thing, this time it seemed to sink in a bit more, she got upset and told me she would be good from then on. I've since been talking to her a lot about throwing away toys when she starts being naughty, and it seems to be working. My question is.. is this a good way to be dealing with this crap? Does anyone have any better suggestions? I don't really know what I'm doing, here.. all I know is I'm tired and have been feeling super crap lately and I really don't need this shit. I want good Pan back. :(
 
 
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Cloudeadthoughtsdungeoncandy on January 19th, 2011 03:22 pm (UTC)
gosh, i don't know muich but i'll try
i wouldnt think its a good long term way of dealing with it.it sounds .negative and being around angry/mean people isn't fun. it could work short term maybe, if ther is more positive stuff??
Anyway of talking to her, so she understands why it's wrong or bad and using a timeout corner??? or even get her to write a few lines of why it isn't nice to do that?
Uncle Reuben Klopek: Sad Kittythiscantbesoy on January 19th, 2011 07:33 pm (UTC)
Oh man. Boy do I know how you feel. Maya has always been, like, an angel child, and now she's a demon. Nothing I do helps. If I calmly explain how she's been naughty, it doesn't work. If I yell and flip out and take away her toys, it doesn't help.

she always says "I'm sorry Mama, I won't do it again" but this means absolutely nothing.

This is EXACTLY how it is for us too. Every day she tearfully tells me, "I'm sorry, I will learn. I will do better next time." And then next time, it's the same old story.

Not to mention, on top of all her shenanigans, she isn't sleeping anymore. She used to sleep so well, and now she's getting like 7-8 hours a day, max, with no nap EVER. Which makes her very grumpy, and makes me unspeakably grumpy.

So yeah. I don't really have advice, just wanted to say, we're going through this same thing (Maya is 3 years 3 months). It sucks so hard. :((((
Carriecarrieb on January 19th, 2011 10:18 pm (UTC)
You don't know me and I don't mean to intrude. I am really, really, really bored with a sleeping baby on my chest, reading random journals and ran across this.

A lot of that is stuff a 3.5 year old will do. I can't recommend the book/DVD 1-2-3 Magic enough. Read it. Try it. Prepare to be amazed. It made our life so much better.
wired_dollywired_dolly on January 20th, 2011 07:50 am (UTC)
well im no parent and im not exactly maternal either but i have a handfull of nephiew s and a niece that can be a handfull to look after. all of them have gone through a naughty stage. one of my nepheiws in particular was terrible for about a year very badly behaved and embarrassing to take out anywhere and just mean when he talked to anyone. now he is a bit older its like his personality has completely changed though and i think that has alot to do with the fact he has been around other kids because he started preschool. i can say similar things with the other kids too. mostly i think kids act up because they are bored. if she doesnt have friends or siblings then she is going to cause trouble if only to get a little bit of attention. even if you are yellingat her at least she isnt bored.other then getting her some friends to hang around with or putting her in daycare i would suggest reasoning with her. explain to her exactly why you dont like what she is doing and explain that the fact she does it makes you sad. most kids dont even realise properly that their actions affect other people. if she makes a mess make her clean it up herself. she might not be able to do it properly but it works as a punishment and a deterant. you have to stand there and watch her do it and make sure she does it properly without slacking off so that she understands its not a joke and you are serious about the situation. the most important thing is to be consistant though. if she gets in trouble for something one day she needs to get in trouble if she does the same thing another day. doesnt matter if the day she does it its not as bad or its sort of cute or you are distracted. otherwise its just going to confuse her about what she is allowed to do and what she isnt.

anyways hope that was helpfull. i tend to be stricter laying down the laws with my niece and nepeiws maybe even more then their parents are but im still the favourite aunty because i rarely get bad. i just talkk to them until they understand why im annoyed about something and we still have alot of fun together.
SifuKatarasifukatara on April 2nd, 2011 05:39 pm (UTC)
A few suggestions
Hi! My name is Lauren. I hope you and your daughter are doing well. I’ve read some of your parenting entries in the parenting 101 comm. I just joined it. I’ve been reading up on some of the entries until I get approved.

Anyway, first and for most, you should get Pandora’s hearing checked. That is a problem that should NOT be ignored. It’s better to be safe than sorry. If you need to be facing her for her to hear you and repeat things to her and she’s mishearing you, that could mean hearing problems.

As for her behavior, it sounds like she's being at typical three-year-old as in trying to push her boundaries and seeing how much she can get away with. Time outs may work better than taking or throwing away toys. The reason is, if it comes to throwing away something that means a lot to her, you could have a problem. Also, I wouldn't shy away from taking her to the park or mall unless she did something wrong before hand. You could use those opportunities to teach her the right way to behave.

For example, she sees two kids playing on the swings; perhaps the slightly older one is pushing the younger one on the swings. You could use that to your advantage and remark how nice it is that the older one is helping her little sister or brother and tell Pandora how nice it feels to help others. You could ask Pandora if she wants you to push her on the swings. If she says yes, remind her of the nice words she can use like please and thank you. Once she catches on, give her a chance to use them on her own the next time. I believe consistency and gentle but firm handling is the best method. Also practice what you preach. If you want her to use her manners and be more considerate of others, show her how by showing good manners and consideration to her and those around you.

As for the arguing with you, try to explain to her that treating our Ohana, family, and other people we love nicely is the way to go. Maybe when she starts arguing with you about something, you could stop and ask her gently how she's feeling and ask her if it's a situation where she can help or control some aspect of it, what she would do or if there's something she would rather do instead of getting angry back. For example, you ask her to pick up her toys and she doesn’t want to, preferring instead to watch TV. You could either try to make the chore into a game or ask her if she has a special place for each toy or suggest she put them in aan special place. Then help her do so. This way she's learning how to put things away and she knows where they are the next time she wants to play. If it's a cooking sitch like lunch or dinner and she doesn’t want a particular something you're going to cook IE the type of veggies you chose, maybe let her help you make dinner and let her choose her favorite vegetables. I hope my suggestions helped. I enjoy reading your LJ btw.